writing we are doing Entertain,persuad and inform.I chose entertain because I had
quite a lot of embarrassing moments from camp and entertain is all about embarrassing
and funny. I decided to call my title camp gone wrong because what I was writing about
Here is my story
Camp gone wrong?
I had just come back from the waterslide. I felt like having a shower,
So I went to my cabin and I got my toilet bag and pjs ready, since I felt like
hoping into pjs. So I headed to the girls bathroom to take a shower
I turned the shower on it was warm, just like juice left on a table for a hour.
Anyway so I put some shampoo in my hair I went under the shower.
The shower was as hot as the sun could ever be! I tried turning it down to what
It was before, but all it did was turn off. So I jumped out of the shower to
get dressed but... I LEFT MY TOWEL BEHIND! I started to panic
but just then one of the other girls came out of the shower it was my
friend Nikita. I asked if I could use her towel she said "yes" so I dried
myself and put my pjs on then looked in the mirror there was piles
of shampoo in my hair. I squeezed some of the shapoo out but most of it stayed in my hair.
There was nothing else I could do so I headed straight to my cabin.
Hannah saw me, she said two things, "what happened to your hair?" and "you
should probably hop out of your pjs because were going to the
bomb-fire were all the horse poo is." After the bomb fire we went to
bed. Yawn! It was the next day I got dressed I thought a French plat
would look nice with outfit so I asked Hannah if she could do my hair.
She said "of course", so I got my hairbrush and sat in front of Hannah
but she wasn't brushing my hair I turned around to see what she was
She was staring at my head I asked "what's wrong? your hair is white!!!
and even worse there's bubbles!" Everyone in my cabin laughed and
laughed and laughed but I keeped on thinking Camp gone wrong.
Feedback and feedforward: Very good story Ruby, how funny that you forgot your towel. Next time you could try and put some more juicy words so the reader can get hooked in. - Hannah G
Evaluation: I think I did well on making sure I had actually entertained the reader by
Making it funny and exciting.Next time I'm going to challenge myself with something
new like persuasive writing.